6/14/2011 0 Comments Cultivating the Mind of LoveMy Friends,
I returned Sunday night from retreat and, as usual, am feeling very grateful for the practice. My dharma teacher, Anh Huong, has a way of challenging me to look at the spaces in my heart that feel incredibly scary, while simultaneously setting up a space that allows me to relax. Admittedly, this does not happen without resistance on my part. But she just smiles, tells us not to take ourselves too seriously, and to open our heart even wider. One of the things that came up for me was the feelings of jealousy and possessiveness that often come up in relation to my partner. I notice that these feelings come up when I think he may be spending time with someone who has some quality I perceive I don't have and want, like physical beauty, etc. These feelings have come up in past relationships as well. I noticed that the root of these feelings is that I have no experience with men in relationships who have remained faithful. All of the male members of my family have cheated on their spouses, even if their spouses have stayed with them. My previous serious relationship involved unfaithfulness as well. Curious how old hurts lay the foundation for later suffering. I have cultivated a deep mistrust of men, due in large part to these experiences. My dharma teacher invited the community do walking meditation with the children within themselves that had experienced the old hurts that we were currently working with, that were looking for safe spaces to heal and transform their suffering. I practiced walking with 9 yr old me and 17 year old me. They asked a lot of questions around what it means for your identity when someone cheats on you: Am I uglier than her? Does this mean no one will love me? How can I guarantee that no one will hurt me like this? Why do people do this to each other? Why would you hurt someone this way? Does it make people feel better when they cheat? I didn't have any answers, but I listened. This supposed cause and effect relationship is what I am trying to practice with now. Is it my suffering that compels someone to be unfaithful? Is it my responsibility to monitor someones behavior? Is there really any real way for me to monitor behavior? What would it take to develop trust under these circumstances? Luckily, my partner has his own practice, which allows him to help me sit with these thoughts and work through them. He's a really good guy =)
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About the Author
Maria Rodriguez, MSW is a Yoga and Buddhist practitioner. She currently studies in the Iyengar Yoga method, as well as Zen Mindfulness Practice in the tradition of the Venerable Thich Nhat Hahn. She lives in Philadelphia, PA with her Rat Terrier/Lhasa Apso mix Manjushri (He who brings great understanding). ArchivesCategoriesAll Anxiety Beginning Bhagavad Gita Buddhist Practice Buddhist Practice Meditation Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche Ending Life Changes Practicing With Emotions Quotes Relationships Silence The Five Rememberances Witnessing |